Twas A Crime Before Christmas: My Interview With Santa

As Christmas approaches, I'd like to once again offer my short story, Twas a Crime Before Christmas. 

Twas a Crime Before Christmas: My Interview with Santa Claus

 By Paul Davis

As a newspaper crime reporter and columnist, I was compelled to look into a report of a burglary of an unemployed construction worker on Christmas Eve in South Philadelphia.

The burglar or burglars broke into the home early on the morning of the 24th. They stole the family’s TV and other household goods. They also took a dozen or so wrapped gifts under the Christmas tree that were intended for the family’s two children.

I interviewed the victim, who was so devastated by the burglary that he could hardly speak. I also spoke to a detective who said he presently had no leads on the case, but he planned to keep working it. I also spoke to a local priest who told me that the church was collecting donations for the poor family.

Lastly, I spoke to a man of great wisdom and experience. The jolly old fella was kind enough to pause during his special night out to talk to me about crime.

I interviewed Santa Claus as he was packing up his sleigh and getting ready to head off on his magical trip, bringing toys and goodies to good children around the world.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow and the beard on his chin was white as snow. His eyes twinkled and his dimples were merry. His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry. He looked like a candidate for a heart attack.

And he smoked. The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth and the smoke encircled his head like a wreath (the Surgeon General would not approve). He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot (PETA would not approve) and his clothes were tarnished with ashes and soot (Mrs. Santa would not approve). With a lumpy sack over his shoulder, he looked like a homeless person.

I asked Santa Claus if the public’s fear of crime had changed how he did his job.

“The increased use of car and home burglar alarms makes my journey tougher, I must say,” Santa told me. “As you know, my miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer make such a clatter, they set off every car alarm on the block.”

Santa also said that home burglar alarms has made his surreptitious entry, via the fireplace, most difficult. When he slides down the chimney, he sets off alarms, which wakes the household and brings the police. 

Santa went on to say that the alarms ruin the surprise for the children, and he is often detained by the responding police officers, who demand identification and administer alcohol tests.

Fortunately, Santa looks like a right jolly old elf, so the police officers have to laugh, in spite of themselves. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head give the people who thought they were being robbed the knowledge that they had nothing to dread.

“I once had my sleigh and reindeer stolen while I was in a home setting up the toys, and I must admit that I paused to enjoy the milk and cookies that a child left me,” Santa said. “But with some kindly police officer’s help, I was able to recover the sleigh and reindeer rather quickly. You see my lead reindeer has a bright red nose and we were able to spot him from about three blocks away.”

Santa said his brush with crime made him understand why families were installing burglar alarms and why they were more concerned about a strange old fat man in red entering their home in the middle of the night. He told me that he was looking into some kind of security system for his sleigh as well.

I asked him about the burglary that occurred that morning in South Philly and he replied he was well aware of the sad incident.

“I plan to visit the house tonight on my rounds and with a little magic I’ll leave them some special gifts under their tree,” Santa explained. “I also did a little investigative work to find the crooks, as I have powers the police lack."

Santa said he discovered who the crooks were, and he tipped the police off. He also plans to leave the crooks lumps of coal in their stockings, which will be hung with care in the local jail.

“Don’t they know I’m watching?” Santa asked.” I know when they have been naughty or good. My surveillance techniques are finer than the FBI’s.”

“This should be a joyful time of year as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ,” Santa said. “This should be a time of love, charity and good cheer.”

The interview concluded, he sprang to his sleigh and to his team gave a whistle and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

Note: With apologies to Clement C. Moore, I offer my best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all. 

© 2009 Paul Davis 

It's Christmas Time In The City - My Interview With Santa

Broad & Liberty published my interview with Santa.

You can read the piece via the below link or the below text:

Paul Davis: It's Christmas time in the city — my interview with Santa

The weekend of the 13th was a bad time for Philadelphia, as dozens of victims were shot in several criminal shootings across the city.  

One bad shooting occurred near the Rothman Ice Rink in Dilworth Park on Friday night. The police suspect that both the shooters and victims are students from Freire Charter High School in Center City. Three teenagers were wounded in the shootout.

There was also a shooting in Feltonville, where one man was murdered, and four others were injured over the weekend. And there was a shooting at a sports bar in Strawberry Mansion, where one man was murdered and two others wounded. 

I was standing behind the police yellow crime scene tape at the scene of one of the shootings, watching the police gather evidence, when a large fellow came up and stood next to me. He had a huge white beard and long white hair under a red cap with white fur trimming. The big fella was dressed in a red suit with a white fur collar and cuffs. He also wore a wide black leather belt around his amble middle and black boots. 

The red suit looked like it kept him warm, but it failed to hide his girth and protruding large belly. I also noticed that he was hefting a large sack over his shoulder. Despite the grim crime scene, the big fella smiled at me as he puffed on a pipe. 

“Anyone ever tell you look like Santa Claus?” I said with a laugh as I looked at the big man. 

“Everyone, especially the children,” he replied. “For I am indeed the one and only Santa Claus.”

 I introduced myself as a writer and I asked if I could interview him.

“Sure,” he said. He stopped smiling for a moment and shook his large head sadly.

“This is a terrible thing anytime of the year, but it is even more terrible during Christmas time in the city,” Santa said. 

I agreed.

Santa pointed to a couple on a corner in Salvation Army uniforms behind a Red Kettle donation pot. One of the two rang a silver bell.

“At Christmas time there should be silver bells not silver shells,” he said as he pointed to a police officer who was picking up a shell ejected from one of the shooter’s firearms.

“Silver Bells, silver bells, it’s Christmas time in the city,” Santa sang in a deep baritone voice, which drew the attention of the crowd and the police. “Ring-a-ling, hear them ring, soon it will be Christmas Day.

“City sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style,” he sang. “Yet we also see dead bodies. You see strings of streetlights, even stoplights, blink of bright red and green, along with the police lights flashing.”

He took a deep puff from his pipe and then continued singing. “Still, in the air there’s a feeling of Christmas. Children laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile, and on every street corner you’ll hear silver bells, silver bells.” 

He stopped singing for a moment and said softly that one shouldn’t also hear gunshots ringing. 

“It’s Christmas time in the city, ring-a-ling, hear them ring. Soon it will be Christmas day,” he sang loudly. “See the shoppers rushing home with their treasures, and no doubt they are in fear of being robbed of those treasures. But children are laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile, and above all this bustle,” he sang, “We also see needless violence.”  

Santa stopped singing and took a puff from his pipe. 

“This is the time of year for loving, sharing, forgiving, and for praising the one above. It is not a time for Wild West shootouts. Don’t they realize I know who is being naughty and nice? I shall be paying them all a visit on Christmas Eve.” 

Santa then shifted the heavy bag on his shoulder and bid me farewell.

“It’s Christmas time in the city,” he sang out loud as he walked away from me. “Soon it will be Christmas Day.”

Note: With apologies to “Silver Bells” songwriters Jay Livingston and Ray Evans and those who sang the fine song over the years, such as Bob Hope, Marilyn Maxwell, Bing Crosby, Carol Richards, Dean Martin, and others.

Paul Davis, a Philadelphia writer and frequent contributor to Broad + Liberty, also contributes to Counterterrorism magazine and writes the “On Crime” column for the Washington Times. He can be reached at pauldavisoncrime.com. 

Twas A Crime Before Christmas: My Interview With Santa

As Christmas approaches once again, I'd like to once again offer my short story, Twas a Crime Before Christmas. 

Twas a Crime Before Christmas: My Interview with Santa Claus

 By Paul Davis

As a newspaper crime reporter and columnist, I was compelled to look into a report of a burglary of an unemployed construction worker on Christmas Eve in South Philadelphia.

The burglar or burglars broke into the home early on the morning of the 24th. They stole the family’s TV and other household goods. They also took a dozen or so wrapped gifts under the Christmas tree that were intended for the family’s two children.

I interviewed the victim, who was so devastated by the burglary that he could hardly speak. I also spoke to a detective who said he presently had no leads on the case, but he planned to keep working it. I also spoke to a local priest who told me that the church was collecting donations for the poor family.

Lastly, I spoke to a man of great wisdom and experience. The jolly old fella was kind enough to pause during his special night out to talk to me about crime.

I interviewed Santa Claus as he was packing up his sleigh and getting ready to head off on his magical trip, bringing toys and goodies to good children around the world.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow and the beard on his chin was white as snow. His eyes twinkled and his dimples were merry. His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry. He looked like a candidate for a heart attack.

And he smoked. The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth and the smoke encircled his head like a wreath (the Surgeon General would not approve). He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot (PETA would not approve) and his clothes were tarnished with ashes and soot (Mrs. Santa would not approve). With a lumpy sack over his shoulder, he looked like a homeless person.

I asked Santa Claus if the public’s fear of crime had changed how he did his job.

“The increased use of car and home burglar alarms makes my journey tougher, I must say,” Santa told me. “As you know, my miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer make such a clatter, they set off every car alarm on the block.”

Santa also said that home burglar alarms has made his surreptitious entry, via the fireplace, most difficult. When he slides down the chimney, he sets off alarms, which wakes the household and brings the police. 

Santa went on to say that the alarms ruin the surprise for the children, and he is often detained by the responding police officers, who demand identification and administer alcohol tests.

Fortunately, Santa looks like a right jolly old elf, so the police officers have to laugh, in spite of themselves. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head give the people who thought they were being robbed the knowledge that they had nothing to dread.

“I once had my sleigh and reindeer stolen while I was in a home setting up the toys, and I must admit that I paused to enjoy the milk and cookies that a child left me,” Santa said. “But with some kindly police officer’s help, I was able to recover the sleigh and reindeer rather quickly. You see my lead reindeer has a bright red nose and we were able to spot him from about three blocks away.”

Santa said his brush with crime made him understand why families were installing burglar alarms and why they were more concerned about a strange old fat man in red entering their home in the middle of the night. He told me that he was looking into some kind of security system for his sleigh as well.

I asked him about the burglary that occurred that morning in South Philly and he replied he was well aware of the sad incident.

“I plan to visit the house tonight on my rounds and with a little magic I’ll leave them some special gifts under their tree,” Santa explained. “I also did a little investigative work to find the crooks, as I have powers the police lack."

Santa said he discovered who the crooks were, and he tipped the police off. He also plans to leave the crooks lumps of coal in their stockings, which will be hung with care in the local jail.

“Don’t they know I’m watching?” Santa asked.” I know when they have been naughty or good. My surveillance techniques are finer than the FBI’s.”

“This should be a joyful time of year as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ,” Santa said. “This should be a time of love, charity and good cheer.”

The interview concluded, he sprang to his sleigh and to his team gave a whistle and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

Note: With apologies to Clement C. Moore, I offer my best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all. 

© 2009 Paul Davis 

Note: You can watch the classic Beaton Marionette's Twas the Night before Christmas, as well as The Nativity, via the below link:

Paul Davis On Crime: A Look Back At The Beaton Marionette's 'The Nativity' And 'Twas The Night Berfore Christmas'