A Little Humor: Some Of W.C. Fields' Best One-Liners

I’m a huge fan of W.C. Fields, a fellow Philadelphian. The late, great comedian, whose real name was William Claude Dukenfield, was born in 1880 and died in 1946. 

He appeared in classic comedy films such as The Bank Dick, My Little Chickadee and Never Give a Sucker An Even Break. He also appeared as Charles Dicken’s character Micawber in David Copperfield.  

Below are some of the late W.C. Fields’ best one-liners:

I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one. 

I drink therefore I am.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. 

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The Other half I wasted. 

In My Little Chickadee, a man came up to W,C. Fields as he was shuffling a deck of cards. 

"Is this a game of chance?” the man asked. 

 W.C. Fields replied, “Not the way I play it.”  
 

You can also watch a TCM video on W.C. Fields, narrated by John Cleese, via the below link: 

TCM Star of the Month: W.C. Fields - YouTube