A Little Humor: Hard Working Husband

A man named Bill worked hard at a plant and spent most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. 

His wife thought he was pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she took him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greeted them, “Hey, Bill, how ya doin tonight?”

His wife was puzzled and asked if he’s been to this club before. 

“Oh no,” Bill said. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they were seated, a waitress asked Bill if he’d like his usual Budweiser. 

His wife was becoming suspicious and said, “You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.”

“No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.”

Then a stripper came over to their table and threw her arms around Bill. “Hi Billy,” she said.

“Want your usual table dance?”

Bill’s wife was now furious, and she grabbed her purse and stormed out of the club. 

Bill followed her and sees her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumped in beside her. She then started screaming at him. 

The cabby turns his head and said, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Bill.”

A Little Humor: Depressed Man At A Bar

A depressed man sat at a bar staring at his drink when in walked a big trouble-making man who stood next to the depressed man. 

When the big man couldn’t get the bartender’s attention to order a drink, he simply picked up the depressed man’s drink and drank it down.

The depressed man began crying. 

The big man felt bad and said, “Ah, pal, I was just joking. I’ll buy you another drink.”

“No, it’s not that,” the depressed man said. “This day is the worst of my life. First, I was late to work and I was fired. Leaving the building, I found out my car was stolen, and the police said they probably won’t recover it. I got a cab to go home and I realized I left my wallet in the cab as the cab driver drove away. I walked into my house and discovered my wife sleeping with the gardener. So, I came to this bar.” 

“Jeez,” the big man said, “You have had a tough day.” 

“Right,” the depressed man replied. “And just as I was thinking about ending my life, you show up and drank my poison.” 

Note: The above photo is of actor James Stewart (in the middle of the photo) from Frank Capra’s classic Christmas film, It’s a Wonderful Life.

A Little Humor: The Sportman's Double

A man met an older prostitute at a bar.

He thought the woman looked good for a 50-year-old. 

In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and he found himself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.

They had a few drinks and then she asked if he’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double?” 

“What’s that?” he asked. 

“It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she replied.

The man liked the idea and he wondered what her daughter might look like.

“No, I haven’t,” he told the woman.

They had a few more drinks and she winked at him and told him, “This is your lucky night”. 

They went to the woman’s apartment and went in.

The woman put on the lights and shouted, “Mom, you still awake?”

Note: The above photo is of Barbra Streisand as a hooker in the funny film, The Owl and the Pussycat.

A Little Humor: The Difference Between Complete And Finished

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between “complete” and “finished.”

However, in a linguistic conference, held in London some years ago, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, a Guyanese named Samsundar Balgobin, was the clever winner.

His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between “complete” and “finished.” 

Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.

His response was:

“When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’

If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’

And, when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are ‘completely finished.'” 

A Little Humor: With Hours To Live

A man returns home from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. 

Given the prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. 

She agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the man goes to his wife and says, “Honey, I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?” 

His wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. 

He touches his wife’s shoulder and asks, ‘Honey, please just one more time before I die.’ 

“Of course, Dear.” And they make love for the third time.

The wife rolls over and falls asleep. 

The man, however, worrying about his impending death, tosses and turns until he’s down to 4 hours to live. 

He taps his wife on her shoulder. 

“Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could….”

The wife sits up and says, “Listen, enough is enough. I have to get up in the morning, you don’t.”

Note: The above photo is of the husband and wife comedy team, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara