Jimmy Fallon On Hillary Clinton's Wall Street Connections

I'm not a fan of Jimmy Fallon and I don't watch The Tonight Show, (I miss Jay Leno's political humor in his monologues), but he offered a funny bit about Hillary Clinton's Wall Street connections.

• In an interview with Charlie Rose yesterday, Hillary Clinton admitted that she has Wall Street connections, but said that she can't be bribed with campaign donations. Then Hillary said, “And especially they can't bribe me at Hillary for America, P.O. Box 526, New York, New York, don't even think of sending money there, this weekend.”  

Jay Leno Jokes On Last Tonight Show

 

I watched Jay Leno's Tonight Show last night, and as usual, I laughed at his monologue.

 

I'm going to miss his nightly jokes on politics, popular culture and the news.  

 

Below are some of his jokes on his last Tonight Show:

 

I don’t like goodbyes. NBC does.

 

Well, tonight is our last show for real. See, I don’t need to get fired three times. I get the hint.

 

You know, being together all these years, the staff is very close. It's kind of like graduating high school — a high school for really stupid people that have been in the same class for 22 years.

 

And the worst thing about losing this job, I'm no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for Obamacare.

 

When I started hosting, Justin Bieber wasn’t even born yet. That's why we call those “the good old days."

 

It was revealed this week that in the past couple years Hugh Grant has fathered three children with two different women. How ironic is that? I end my run the same way it began — asking Hugh Grant, "What the hell were you thinking?" Twenty-two years later, I ask him the same question.  

Jay Leno On NSA Leaker Edward Snowden

Jay Leno on The Tonight Show offered the below comment on Edward Snowden:

NSA whistle-blower and traitor Edward Snowden, living in asylum in Russia, has released a manifesto directed at the United States claiming that telling the truth should not be a crime. And believe me, there's no better place to celebrate free speech, truth, and equal rights than in Russia.

Note: NBC was foolish to fire Jay Leno, although I suspect he will be back on TV on another station in due course.

Jay Leno On Syria

Jay Leno told a good one on the Tonight Show:

Syrian President Assad says he is turning over his chemical weapons because Russia asked him to, "not because of the U.S. threatening to bomb him."

Yeah, and Osama bin Laden is at the bottom of the ocean right now because he enjoys scuba diving.

Note: NBC is making a serious mistake in firing the "King of Late Night." 

Jay Leno On President Obama And The NSA Leaker

Jay Leno made some funny comments on The Tonight Show about the NSA leaker.

The guy who blew the whistle on the NSA scandal is a former security worker named Edward Snowden. He is a high school dropout. He was making $122,000 a year. He lived in Hawaii. He was engaged to a beautiful former ballerina. And he gave it all up. So not only is he a whistleblower. He's also a moron.

President Obama said he welcomes a national debate over our surveillance policies. He said that's a debate we wouldn't have had five years ago. Five years ago? It's a debate we wouldn't have had two weeks ago if they all hadn't gotten caught. 

Jay Leno On The Obama Administration Scandals

Jay Leno offered the below funny comments on the Obama administration scandals on The Tonight Show:

A new report shows that the Obama administration has been collecting the telephone records of millions of customers of Verizon under a top-secret court order. Here's the sad part. It turns out that 90 percent of the phone calls Americans make are to order a pizza.

When I was growing up, we were afraid of Big Brother watching us. Now with Obama, we actually HAVE a brother watching us.

Attorney General Eric Holder said that despite all the controversies, he has no intention of stepping down. Hey Eric, I didn't either. Sometimes it just happens. That's show biz...

Note: NBC is making a huge mistake in replacing Jay Leno at The Tonight Show. He killed all of the other late night shows in the May ratings sweeps. He will be missed, but I suspect Jay Leno's next show, perhaps at Fox, will be successful.   

Jay Leno On The Obama Administration Scandals

Jay Leno laid into the Obama scandals again on The Tonight Show.

Time magazine found a picture of President Obama at his high school prom back in 1979. Let me tell you how long ago that was. Back then, Obama had to ask a girl for her phone number. He couldn't illegally obtain it through the Justice Department. 

It is not looking good for President Obama. Today, his teleprompter took the Fifth. In fact, the White House has changed its slogan from "Yes, we can" to "No, I can't remember."

The latest scandal in Washington, of course, is raising questions about the IRS. You know, I have a question. Why is it called the Internal Revenue Service? How is having your money confiscated a service? 

A Democratic congressman said that he worries that the IRS scandal might have a chilling effect on the IRS and that they might be afraid to audit people. So finally some good is coming out of all of this. 

Jay Leno On The Obama Scandals

Below are some of the jokes Jay Leno told on The Tonight Show about the current Obama administration scandals:

This week marks the 40th anniversary of the Watergate hearings. For those of you too young to remember, back then the administration had an enemies list. They were spying on reporters, and they used the IRS to harass groups they didn’t like. Thank God those days are gone forever.

A lot of critics are comparing President Obama to President Richard Nixon, which is unfair. Nixon's unemployment rate was only 5 percent.

This whole IRS thing has become a huge story. They apparently were targeting conservative groups like the tea party. You know it's bad when President Obama says, "Hey, why don’t we talk about Benghazi?"

The National Aquarium in Washington is going to close. But don't worry. If you're in D.C. and you still want to smell something fishy, stop by the White House. They've gone from "Change you can believe in" to "Changing the story until you believe it." 

Jay Leno On Politicians

Jay Leno joked about politicans on The Tonight Show.

Former Senator Pete Domenici of New Mexico revealed that while in office he fathered a child with the daughter of another senator, who was a friend of his. He cheated on his wife with the daughter of another senator and they had a baby. When did the Senate become "The Jerry Springer Show"?

Domenici is defending himself by saying that he is no better or worse than the next guy. And he’s right, because you know who the next guy was? John Edwards.

The former San Diego mayor, Maureen O'Connor, told federal prosecutors she went broke after gambling away more than a billion dollars she inherited from her late husband at casinos playing video poker. But to be fair, at one point, she was up 300 bucks.

Former Chicago Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. pled guilty to misusing hundreds of thousands of dollars of campaign funds for personal use, including buying a $43,000 Rolex watch. How ironic is that? All that money on a watch, and now he's going to wind up doing time.

Jay Leno On Al-Qaida Command Succession

 

"Al-Qaida's number two man has been killed by an American drone in Pakistan," Jay Leno said on the Tonight Show. "In a related story, today al-Qaida's number three man announced he's stepping down to spend more time with his family."

Jay Leno On Bin Laden, Bin Laden's Wives, Pakistan And Other Topics

Jay Leno gave his take on the death of bin Laden, bin Laden's wives, and other current topics on The Tonight Show.

Below are Jay Leno's comments:

The interior minister of Pakistan says that they have nothing to hide. Yea, not anymore.

The United States gave the Pakistani police $162 million. Unfortunately, bin Laden gave them $163 million.

Apparently, Pakistan has given the United States permission to interview bin Laden’s wives, as long as we promise not to turn it into a reality show.

The TSA is being criticized for checking 2-year-olds at airport security. People say 2-year-olds can’t be terrorists — unless you’re sitting next to one on a flight.

Jay Leno On Obama and Teleprompters

"The man who invented the teleprompter has died at the age of 91," Jay Leno said on the Tonight Show. "When President Obama heard the news, he was speechless."

Guess Hu's Coming To Dinner? Jay Leno On Obama's State Dinner for Chinese President

Jay Leno told some funny jokes about Obama's state dinner for the Chinese president on The Tonight Show.

You can read the jokes below:

The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. President Obama wore a traditional Chinese-made garment: a pair of Nikes.

Obama and Hu had a private dinner the night before. When Obama tried to pick up the check, Hu said, “Your money is no good here.” Obama laughed, and Hu said, “No, really, your money is no good.”

President Hu’s advance team came a week earlier to make sure that wherever he’s staying has no Chinese drywall.

The state dinner went really well, until the after-dinner speeches were hosted by Ricky Gervais.

Jay Leno Jokes About Political Correctness, WikiLeaks and Charles Manson

Jay Leno joked about a number of current issues on The Tonight Show.

You have to be careful of political correctness this time of the year. You can’t call them “Santa’s elves” anymore. They’re “undocumented little people.”

Because of a printing error, a billion new $100 bills have to be destroyed. They’re going to burn $100 billion dollars — just like they did with the last stimulus program.

President Obama’s pledge to have the most transparent administration in history has come true. Thanks to WikiLeaks.

Charles Manson was busted for having a cell phone in his prison cell. He’s surrounded by concrete and metal bars. What carrier does he have?

Jay Leno Puts On Benefit Concert for Mississippi Oil Spill Victims

Note to politically-active entertainers: rather than giving a half-baked speech or critical comment to a reporter, this is how you can truly help people.

Comedian Jay Leno put on a benefit concert for the oil spill victims in Mississippi.

Leno (seen in the above photo) offered a check for $90, 336.31 from the ticket sales, and then he kicked in an additional $10,000 of his own money.

You can read more about the benefit concert via the below link:

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D9HOL5JG0&show_article=1

Jay Leno On Crime & Cats

I've always enjoyed Jay Leno's monologue on The Tonight Show.

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Below are some jokes from his latest:

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"All of Mel Gibson’s troubles could have been avoided if he’d just made those calls with the iPhone . None of them would have gone through.

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O.J. Simpson’s lawyer, Robert Shapiro, has agreed to represent Lindsay Lohan, but only if she agrees to go to jail. Where was this deal when O.J. was on trial?

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Dick Cheney is recovering from heart surgery in the hospital. I understand Fox sent flowers, and MSNBC sent a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.

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A new study says that having a cat makes you 40 percent less likely to die of a heart attack. Not that the cat would care one way or the other.

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Good stuff.

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But my adopted feral two-year-old cat, Kit (seen in the photo below), would surly miss me - come feeding time.

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