A Little Humor: Study Finds 100% Of Men Watch Entirety Of 'Tombstone' If They See It Playing On TV

 I’m a huge fan of western films in general and the film Tombstone in particular. 

I place Tombstone right up there with The Searchers, The Magnificent Seven, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and other great western films. 

I’ve watched the near historically accurate film several times over the years, and if I see it on TV while surfing the channels, I’ll often watch it again. 

Which is why I got a kick out of the Babylon Bee’s satirical take on the classic western:

LOS ANGELES, CA — A new study confirmed what has long been theorized, as results show a full 100% of human males watch the film Tombstone in its entirety when they find it playing on television.

"This proves what we've suspected for years," said Professor Martin Van Nostrand, who led the study commissioned by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. "Unlike any other film, Tombstone has a stranglehold on the psyches of men. Any time a man is absent-mindedly skimming through the channels, if he runs across Tombstone, he absolutely must watch it until the end. Fascinating!"

Professor Nostrand then spent the next 3 hours quoting his favorite lines with all his friends.

The study additionally discovered that, at any given moment during the day, there is an 80% chance a man is thinking of a line from Tombstone. "We found that nearly every time a man's wife asks him ‘What are you thinking about?' the answer is most likely Doc Holliday saying ‘I'm your Huckleberry," Van Nostrand explained. "In the off-chance that isn't what he's thinking, then it would have to be Wyatt Earp saying ‘You called down the thunder. Well, now you've got it!'"

 You can read the rest of the piece and other humor pieces via the below link:

Study Finds 100% Of Men Watch Entirety Of 'Tombstone' If They See It Playing On TV | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: Due To High Crime, Mafia Closes Its Chicago Office

The Babylon Bee, a very clever satire publication, offers a funny piece on the rising crime and mayhem in Chicago.

CHICAGO, IL — Today marked the end of an era, as the Mafia announced it was officially closing its Chicago branch due to the rising wave of violent crime in the city.

"We just can't operate under these conditions," said street boss Albert "Albie the Falcon" Vena, speaking on behalf of Salvatore "Solly D" DeLaurentis, who has run the Chicago organization since 2021. "How are we supposed to conduct respectable business — loan sharking, bribery, racketeering, illegal gambling — with so much crime going on? It's insane!" 

You can read the rest of the piece via the below link:

Due To High Crime, Mafia Closes Its Chicago Office | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor From The Babylon Bee:

 The Babylon Bee offers a satiric piece on the progressive Chicago mayor-elect and the Walmart closings in the troubled and violent city. 

CHICAGO, IL — After Walmart announced plans to close 4 store locations in dangerous Chicago neighborhoods, Chicago Mayor-Elect Brandon Johnson issued a dire warning that this will leave many Chicagoans with fewer places to shoplift.

"Citizens of this great city have the fundamental right to steal merchandise in their own communities without resorting to traveling to other neighborhoods," said Johnson at a local protest against the store closings. "If our youths don't have a safe place to work, shop, shoplift, loot, fight, do drugs, terrorize citizens, and smash windows, they may participate in riskier shoplifting, looting, and drug-consuming in affluent communities where cops will actually bother to arrest them until my Soros-funded DA lets them back out on the street. We can't let this happen!"

 You can read the rest of the piece via the below link:

Chicago Mayor Warns That If Local Walmart Locations Close People Will Have Fewer Places To Shoplift | Babylon Bee 

Babylon Bee: Biden Announces U.S. Surrender To Chinese Balloon

The Babylon Bee offers a satirical piece on President Biden’s response to the Chinese spy balloon crossing the U.S.

WORLD — In a surprise statement to the world from the White House Situation Room, President Biden has announced America's unconditional surrender to the Chinese Spy Balloon.

"Listen, folks, it's over," said Biden as a single tear ran down his face. "We're outgunned here. There's no hope that we can match the awesome power of this giant balloon."

Biden's voice was drowned out by the dozens of weeping journalists gathered outside the room.

"I urge you all to hug your loved ones and embrace your children, for the end is near. God help us all," Biden finally said before signing off for the last time.

At publishing time, Americans had been urged by the administration to start learning Mandarin.

You can read other Babylon Bee humorous piece via the below link:

Babylon Bee | Fake News You Can Trust

A Little Humor: Husband Cleverly Rebrands Cigars As Smokeable Essential Oils

The Babylon Bee offers a clever satirical piece that cigar smokers, like me, will enjoy:

COLUMBIA, SC — Local man Alex McIlvaine stumbled upon the brilliant idea today of adding a little sign to his cigar humidor that reads "Smokeable essential oils."

"See babe! It's just like the diffuser you have, but a little more direct," explained Mr. McIlvaine to his wife. "Oo, a Padron! This one is good for arthritis, I think. Probably fixes Celiac disease too!"

An outraged Mrs. McIlvaine pushed back on his audacious claim of a cigar fixing arthritis, but Mr. McIlvaine simply asked to see what evidence she had that lavender cured diabetes. "Hey, fair is fair," said Mr. McIlvaine. "I'll continue agreeing that this vague scent of lemon can cure smallpox, so long as we can agree this lovely Rocky Patel cigar here will lower my cholesterol."

Mr. McIlvaine reportedly conceived the idea after seeing his wife order an essential oils set, which came in a box shockingly similar to a humidor. "That was when I realized, essential oils are just cigars for women," said Mr. McIlvaine. "Women feel a need to unwind, so they light up, breathe the fumes, and make the whole house smell. It's the exact same experience. The only difference is the delightful smell of tobacco versus some weird herb."

At publishing time, Mr. McIlvaine reportedly had lit up a Monte Cristo in order to fix his male-pattern baldness. 

You can read more satirical and humor pieces via the below link:

Babylon Bee | Fake News You Can Trust 

A Little Humor: After Using FBI To Suppress Son’s Crimes And Raid Political Rival’s Home, Biden Warns Democracy In Danger

The Babylon Bee offers a satiric look at President Biden's speech.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Having politically weaponized federal law enforcement for his own political gain, President Biden has now taken to the airwaves to warn that democracy is in real danger.

"Folks, I'm using the feds as best I can to destroy my political opponents, but let me be clear: I'm going to have to break more laws and seize even more power if I'm going to stop fascism," yelled President Biden, lighted in blood-red and surrounded by soldiers. "I don't care if that means a federal takeover of elections, an overthrow of the judiciary - heck I don't care if I have to use F-15s to carpet bomb every single Republican neighborhood in the country. We will forcibly commandeer every lever of power and communication our nation has - to, you know, defeat fascism."

You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link:

After Using FBI To Suppress Son’s Crimes And Raid Political Rival’s Home, Biden Warns Democracy In Danger | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: 'The FBI Raid On Melania's Closet Was Justified,' Says Merrick Garland Wearing Gorgeous New Evening Gown And Sun Hat

The Babylon Bee offers a clever and funny satirical piece on the Trump raid.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With many Americans up in arms over the unprecedented raid of former President Trump's residence in Mar-a-Lago by the FBI, Attorney General Garland released a statement to assure everyone the raid was completely justified. Eyewitnesses noted he looked unusually fetching in an elegant Dolce & Gabbana evening gown and a Dior sun hat.

"We wouldn't raid Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate or Melania's wardrobe unless it was absolutely, 100% necessary," said Garland. "I resent any accusation that this raid was influenced by partisan politics or my insatiable desire to wear pretty designer dresses." The Attorney General then did a little spin in his purple gown as the press gasped with delight.

FBI Director Christopher Wray echoed the statement as he strode up to the Hoover Building in a dazzling pair of diamond-encrusted Alexander McQueen stilettos. "The men and women of the FBI are paragons of unassailable integrity and impartiality, and any suggestion otherwise is murderous treason," he said. Several news outlets present also noted the delicious smell of Chanel No.5 in the air.

At publishing time, Trump took to Truth Social to announce that all his golf clubs were also missing.

You can read more Babylon Bee humor pieces via the below link:

Babylon Bee | Latest News 

A Little Humor: FBI Adds Itself To FBI Watch List

The Babylon Bee offers a clever and funny piece on the FBI.:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented move to protect the safety and security of millions of Americans, the FBI has added itself to the FBI watchlist.

"When we reflected on the vast number of pedophiles, insurrectionists, frauds, and killers in our organization, we thought: 'Holy cow! Someone needs to keep an eye on these weirdos!'" said FBI Director Christopher Wray to reporters. "That's why today we have decided to place the FBI on the FBI watchlist so the FBI can keep a close eye on the FBI before the FBI does something terrible."

Congress is demanding oversight of the FBI's monitoring of the FBI, as the FBI has been known in the past to let the FBI get away with horrific crimes. The FBI in turn is monitoring the Congressional oversight committee in charge of overseeing the FBI's oversight of the FBI. "Americans shouldn't worry, we have this all under control," said Wray.

Critics of the move expressed concern this may hamper the FBI's ability to organize governor kidnapping schemes, insurrections, and mass shootings.

"Without the FBI at our disposal, we may have to turn to traditional partners such as the mafia to fight our political enemies," said one anonymous Washington bureaucrat. "What's the world coming to?"

At publishing time, the FBI announced they now have the FBI in custody. Unfortunately, they released the FBI from custody a few minutes later. 

You can read other satire piece via the below link:

Babylon Bee | Latest News

Babylon Bee: ‘Guns Should Not Be In The Hands Of The Mentally Unstable,’ Says Senile Man With Nukes

 The Babylon Bee offers a satirical piece on Biden and gun control (code name "gun safety," as gun control sounds too harsh).

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A senile old man in Washington who has a deadly nuclear arsenal at his fingertips is calling for dangerous weapons to be taken out of the hands of the mentally unstable.

"Listen, folks, this shouldn't be difficult," said the yammering old geriatric to a duck in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. "The mentally unstable shouldn't have guns! It's dangerous! Think of what could happen, Jack! They could fire it blindly through their front door because they heard a noise, or leave it right out in the open where a Taliban terrorist could pick it up, or accidentally kill innocent people they thought were bad guys but turned out to be foreign aid workers!" The man then dove face-first into the pool because he thought he saw an ice cream cone there. 

You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link:

‘Guns Should Not Be In The Hands Of The Mentally Unstable,’ Says Senile Man With Nukes | The Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: Babylon Bee Looks At How 14 Different News Outlets Covered The Will Smith Slap At The Oscars

Note: Would Will Smith have tried to smack a physically bigger comedian, like Andrew Dice Clay? 

Babylon Bee: Arms Race Heats Up: Just As China Reveals Space Nukes, America Responds With Trans Admiral

 The Babylon Bee mocks President Biden and Dr. Levine in a clever and amusing piece:

WORLD—The arms race is heating up between the U.S. and China. Just last week, China revealed its brand new "space nukes", which are capable of easily nuking any country on the planet. The United States responded swiftly to the provocation by unveiling the world's first trans admiral.

"China, you've been warned," said Biden to a Chinese food delivery person he mistook for President Xi. "Our transgender admiral is fully armed and operational. If you cross us, we will unleash the full fire and fury of this deadly weapon upon you, make no mistake." 

Military experts say that while a space nuke is somewhat impressive, it pales in comparison to the awesome power of diversity. "With Rachel Levine serving as admiral, nations around the world will bow before the terrifying might of our transgender empowerment," said General Milley. "We must pursue peace through strength. Strength of inclusivity." 

Biden insisted that there is no weapon yet conceived that can top Admiral Levine and that he will gladly accept China's preemptive surrender. 

Admiral Levine was not available for comment as she was getting her prostate examined. 

You can read other satirical pieces via the below link:

 The Babylon Bee | Fake News You Can Trust

A Serious Note: Dr. Levine, a pediatrician, was commissioned an admiral in the U.S. Public Health Service, not the U.S. Navy. It takes somewhat longer to become a four-star admiral in the Navy.

Babylon Bee: Trump Wows Met Gala Crowd In 'Rigged Election' Dress

The Babylon Bee mocks Socialist Congresswoman Cortez’s silly and self-aggrandizing stunt of wearing a gown with “Tax the Rich” written on it while attending an elite gathering in New York.

NEW YORK, NY—Beloved president and celebrity Donald Trump left Met Gala speechless this year when he showed up in a flowing white dress emblazoned with the phrase 'Rigged Election!'

"It's a beautiful, bold, brave statement," said fashion writer Vandross Tixatron, who was wearing an $82,000 garbage bag plucked from a landfill in Zimbabwe. "It's even braver when you consider the fact Trump wasn't even invited and he's being chased down by security now. What a statement!" 

Other stunning attendees to the gala included:

• Gavin Newsom in a dress made of discarded hobo tents
• Bill Clinton, who wore a tux embroidered with the message "Believe All Women"
• Buffalo Bill, a transgender hero in his latest skin-suit
• Bill Cosby in a #MeToo dress
• AOC, who wore a 'Tax The Rich' dress made by enslaved migrant children
• Greta Thunberg, who wore a 'Save The Planet' dress made with clubbed baby seal skins
• General Milley, who draped himself in the vibrant red flag of the Chinese Communist Party

In spite of the audacious and colorful characters at the Met Gala, Trump's dress and attendance were deemed inappropriate and he was tackled by two dozen security guards and dragged outside. 

Trump has announced he will be organizing his own, way cooler Met Gala for REAL Americans this winter.

You can read other satirical pieces via the below link:

The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. 

The Babylon Bee: Republicans Call For Impeachment Of Whoever Is Telling Biden What To Do

 The Babylon Bee offers another fine satirical piece on President Biden.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Several prominent Republicans came forward this week to call for the impeachment or resignation of whoever on earth is telling Biden what to do every day. 

"I think it's clear at this point that the person controlling Biden —and telling him what to do and say every moment—is completely incompetent," said Republican Representative Bob McCobb. "We're not really sure who that is, but they need to be impeached immediately. They suck." 

Americans increasingly agree with this sentiment, as recent polls revealed record-low approval ratings for whoever that person is who is pulling the strings of the barely sentient

"Seriously, can he find a person who can put better words in his mouth and tell him better decisions to make?" said one Ohio voter who agreed to be interviewed.

Biden responded to the attacks, saying "The notion that someone is controlling me and telling me what to say and what to do and chewing my food and changing my diapers is absolutely ridiculous. But that's all I'm allowed to say right now." 

You can read other humorous piece via the below link:  

The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. 

A Little Humor: The Babylon Bee: Obama's Party Ruined As Mansion Sinks Into Sea Thanks To Climate Change

The Babylon Bee mocks former President Obama’s big birthday bash (despite his followers' warnings to others about large get-togethers due to COVID-19) and his and his progressive guests’ fear of climate change.

MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA—Well, this is tragic news: Barack Obama's long-awaited birthday bash has been ruined by climate change as his mansion sank into the sea thanks to global warming. 

As guests participated in the activities, from fun games like " Pen the Drone on the Middle Eastern Country" to a rousing session of Settlers of Yemen, the sound of crashing water caused everyone to run outside. 

"Oh no!" shouted Hillary Clinton. "We've gotta cheese it—it's climate change!" 

"How dare you!" shouted Greta Thunberg, lecturing the wave on how it's just supposed to consume evil white men. 

"Aw, man!" said a disappointed Obama as he swam away. "I was looking forward to that Predator drone-shaped cake—it looked delicious!" 

"I knew I shouldn't have invested in a $12 million-dollar mansion when I've warned people over and over again that it would be underwater in just a few years." 

Many guests were soaked or swept away into the sea, though John Kerry and Al Gore

called their pilots and got picked up in their private jets. 

At publishing time, Obama had purchased yet another multi-million-dollar mansion on the new Atlantic coast in eastern Kansas.

You can read other satirical pieces via the below link:

The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. 

A Little Humor: Babylon Bee: In New Cut Of Empire Strikes Back, Vader Will Now Say 'I Am Your Non-Birthing Person!'

 Gotta love the Bee for their spot-on satire.

NBURBANK, CA—Disney confirmed today that all releases of The Empire Strikes Back will be rereleased with Darth Vader delivering his iconic line "No -- I am your father!" as "No -- I am your non-birthing person!"

The change will be more inclusive to non-binary people, who all love Star Wars, though most of them have only seen The Last Jedi. But Disney is hopeful this will get these new loyal fans to watch the rest of the movies and buy more merchandise.

"Think about all the trans people who have had to watch Empire and suffer in silence as Vader uses the word 'father,'" said Kathleen Kennedy. "We all know that the main thing people love about Star Wars is the love, inclusion, and... harmony? I think harmony is in Star Wars. Also dinosaurs. I'm not sure, I've never watched a Star War. But that is what I am told."

Not to be outdone, Warner Bros. will release a new Inclusive Cut of the Director's Cut of Batman vs. Superman, where Batperson is stunned to find out that Superperson's birthing person's name is also Martha.

You can read other humor pieces via the below link:

The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. 

A Little Humor: Babylon Bee: CIA Replaces Waterboarding With 12-Hour Lectures On Intersectional Feminism

The Babylon Bee mocks the CIA’s ‘woke’ recruitment videos, one of which has an analyst describe herself as an “intersectional cisgender millennial.”

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to anonymous sources, the CIA has replaced enhanced interrogation techniques such as waterboarding with something even more torturous and effective: 12-hour academic lectures on intersectional feminism. 

"Waterboarding has been shown to be very effective," said the anonymous source. "But that's been replaced now. Now we just pop in a tape of Robin DiAngelo, Stacey Abrams, or Joy Behar. Sometimes we'll really ramp things up and make them watch Coca-Cola's diversity training on a 12-hour loop." 

Terror suspects will be subjected to lengthy lectures about cis-male privilege, heteronormative patriarchy, and microaggressive mansplaining. Sources say these lectures are 1,282% more effective than regular old waterboarding. 

Critics have criticized the new interrogation method, saying that such cruel torture should be limited only to American universities.

You can read other satiric pieces via the below link:

The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. 

A Little Humor: Babylon Bee: 12 Ways To Help Your Wife Around The House Without Putting In Too Much Effort

I Love the Babylon Bee's satire pieces:

We here at The Babylon Bee are marriage experts. Being considerate and helping your wife around the house is key to a healthy marriage-- and it doesn't even have to be hard work! We drew from decades of combined marriage experience to compile a list of easy ways to help your wife out.

1. Rinse a dish and leave it near the sink: Your lady will swoon when she sees how considerate you are! For bonus points, place the dish in the sink so she can easily put it in the dishwasher later.

2. Place excess trash in an organized pile near the trash can until she takes it out:  Little things to make her life easier go such a long way!

3. Avoid the toilet seat debate by peeing in the sink: Lifehack!

4. Never shower so she'll have fewer towels to fold: Also, if you never wear socks, you'll never get in trouble for not throwing them in the hamper.

5. Helpfully gather all the dirty clothes and passive-aggressively place them in front of the washer: Whatever you do, DON'T actually put them in the washer. You'll probably do it wrong. 

6. Leave her helpful instructions on sticky notes around the house so she'll know how to do things properly: You can add little hearts and "XOXOXO" for extra romance. 

7. Say helpful phrases like "My mom didn't do it that way" when she's cleaning: Wives love to learn new things from their mothers-in-law. What a great way to pass down helpful knowledge! 

8. Send her pictures of the messes around the house while she's away so she can mentally prepare for the tasks ahead of her: This selfless act will help her stay mentally organized. It's the least you can do. 

9. Start the lawnmower for her: Use your big man strength to start the mower so she has more energy to mow the lawn. If you really want to drive her crazy, roll up your sleeves so she sees your big arms while you crank the engine.

10. Pick up your feet while playing Xbox so she can vacuum under them: Invest in your marriage and do it without being asked!

11. Place all the sandwich ingredients together on the counter to cut down on her lunch-making time: For extra helpfulness, leave another sticky note to help her make it correctly. 

12. Have many children so they can help around the house: And if you're a Mormon, you can also take a second wife to help your first wife with the chores!

There you have it! Now go and invest in your marriage! 

You can read other humor pieces via the below link:

The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. 

Babylon Bee: College Student Aces Final By Just Answering 'Racism!' To Every Question

 The Babylon Bee offers another spot-on satirical piece:

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—According to sources, local English major Charlie Miller was able to ace her final exam by simply writing in the word "racism!" for every answer.

"Yeah, I completely forgot to study last night so I figured I would try it," she said. "90% of my lectures this year were just hour-long sessions of my professor saying 'racism' over and over again in different inflections, so I figured my chances were pretty good if I made that the answer to all the test questions."

The Skidmore College English professor who delivered the passing grade explained her rationale. "Charlie's test answers weren't technically correct, but they spoke to a deeper truth: everything is racist. At Skidmore College, creating leftist radicals who can find racism everywhere and help us burn down Western Civilization is much more important than educating people. For that reason, we decided to give her a passing grade!"

Local sources say Skidmore College is facing an influx of racist behavior, such as students being openly conservative and voting for Republicans or Libertarians. 

"The rise in white supremacist activity at our school is really frightening," said the professor. "One girl named Hannah Davis actually tried to start a conservative student organization on campus. I'm literally shaking right now just thinking about it."

In addition to accepting "racist!" as the answer to every question on every test, the professor said she will offer extra credit for sending threatening letters or doxxing conservatives.

"We have to do this so our students will feel safe," she said.

You can read other humor pieces via the below link:

The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. 

Babylon Bee Editor-In-Chief Kyle Mann Roasts Liberal Late-Night Comedians

 I’m a huge fan of the satiric Babylon Bee. They crack me up. 

The New York Post offers a piece on the Babylon Bee’s editor’s column on liberal late-night comics.

The editor-in-chief of Christian conservative satire site the Babylon Bee blasted liberal late-night comedians, arguing that they have replaced humor with “lecturing” as the left “increasingly” turns into “the party of self-righteous zealots.” 

In the Saturday column for the National Review titled, “Samantha Bee Is Wrong about Comedy,” Kyle Mann wrote: “Over the last decade, late-night hosts across the board began to lay aside their relatable, everyman’s brand of comedy and pivot toward lecturing the crowd on their moral values.” 

“They went from chasing laughter — no matter who the butt of the joke may have been — to chasing applause. The result has been anything but funny,” Mann railed. 

Mann took particular aim at TBS’ “Full Frontal” host Samantha Bee – who has been a fierce critic of former President Donald Trump – for recently admitting that she has pulled back when it comes to making jokes about President Biden and his policies. 

“Why would I purposefully undermine something that is, seems to be a great idea, pretty much across the board?” Bee explained. 

But Mann hit back, saying Bee is the epitome of “what has gone wrong with leftist comedians.” Kyle Mann in particular took aim at comedian Samantha Bee. 

You can read the rest of the piece via the below link:

Babylon Bee's Kyle Mann roasts liberal late-night comedians (nypost.com) 

Babylon Bee: BLM Founder Calls For Abolishing Police In All The Areas Where She Doesn't Live

 The Babylon Bee offers another spot-on satire:

LOS ANGELES, CA—BLM co-founder and "trained Marxist" Patrisse Cullors has called for defunding the police in response to police shootings. She later clarified, however, that she only supports abolishing police in all the areas where she doesn't live. 

"The police in my wealthy white area of LA can stay," she said. "And the ones around my home in Atlanta. Also, the ones who protect my other home in Albany. I think I have a fourth house too, but I can't remember where it is. Wherever it is, the police there can stick around as well."

According to sources, Cullors needs all these properties for her important work, and to hide from the urban hellscapes where police are being defunded. 

"I need a lot of houses. All good Marxists have a lot of houses!" said Cullors.

Police have assured Cullors that they will remain at full strength in the wealthy, majority-white neighborhoods where she lives.  

Bernie Sanders reportedly condemned Cullors after finding out she now has more houses than he does. 

You can read other humor piece via the below link:

 The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire.