A Little Humor: The Babylon Bee's Top 6 Health Benefits Of Cigar Smoking

I’ve been a cigar smoker since my early 20s.   

These days, I smoke a cigar as I go for a walk, sit on my porch, or work in my book-lined basement office. 

Smoking a fine cigar with a cup of coffee or a glass of Sambuca relaxes me as I sit in my basement office at my desk working on my computer. 

I also enjoy the company of other cigar smokers at cigar lounges and cigar dinners, or simply hanging out with a friend who also enjoys a fine cigar. 

So I got a kick out of The Babylon Bee’s satirical take on cigars. 

Smoking cigars makes you look cool, everyone knows that. But did you know there are health benefits? It’s true, enjoying a cigar not only shows everyone how manly you are but it pays off physically as well. 

The Babylon Bee has put together the following list of healthy side effects of cigar smoking:    

You can read the rest of the humorous piece via the below link:

Top 6 Health Benefits of Cigar Smoking | Babylon Bee

You can also read about my cigar smoking on a U.S. Navy harbor tugboat at the American nuclear submarine base at Holy Loch, Scotland via the below link:      

Paul Davis On Crime: A Little Humor: Enjoying A Cigar Onboard A Navy Tugboat At The U.S. Nuclear Submarine Base At Holy Loch, Scotland 

A Little Humor: Is Your Wife Planning To Murder You? Look For These Red Flags

The satirical Babylon Bee offers some warning signs for husbands who want to know if their wives are planning on murdering them: 

Whether you and your wife are newlyweds or have been married for several years, this thought has, at one point or another, crossed your mind: "Is my wife planning to murder me?" Though determining the answer is not easy, there are warning signs.

The Babylon Bee is here to help increase your admittedly slim chance of survival by providing you with the following list of red flags to watch for:

1.     She listens to podcasts about wives murdering their husbands: Sure, many wives do this, but your wife takes notes. Not good!

You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link:

Is Your Wife Planning To Murder You? Look For These Red Flags | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: Soros-Backed District Attorney Prosecutes Illinois Boy For Terrorizing Burglars

 Gotta love the Bee. 

The Babylon Bee offers their satirical take on the Home Alone film. 

GROVELAND, IL - Pierce County's District Attorney has opened prosecution against an eight-year-old boy who reportedly terrorized two burglars robbing his parents' mansion.

The young boy by the name of Kevin McAllister was apparently home alone when the perpetrators attempted to sneak into the estate. McAllister sprang into action with a series of ingenious attacks, including blowtorches, paint cans, and a tarantula. "The child engaged in cruel, vicious behavior that could have seriously injured the two gentlemen known as the ‘Wet Bandits' ," said District Attorney Ansel Hayden. "McAllister literally smashed Marv's face with an iron, when Marv wished nothing more than to rob McAllister's family while doing the child serious bodily harm."

Hayden said the youth's antics involved putting ice on the stairs, heating up doorknobs, and other tactics that put the men in peril. "What has society come to when a child can torture vagabonds just hungry for bread?," wondered Hayden aloud. "I will not allow this county to fall victim to vigilantism."

At press time, Hayden was preparing to file charges against the neighbor who stopped the kindly ‘Wet Bandits' from biting off McAllister's fingers.

You can read other Babylon Bee humorous pieces via the below link:

 Babylon Bee | Fake News You Can Trust 

A Little Humor: Elderly Woman Escapes Nursing Home, Rants About Deprogramming The Populace

 The satirical Babylon Bee offers a funny take on Hillary Clinton’s latest CNN interview. 

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Viewers are perplexed by a CNN television interview featuring a deranged old lady who recently escaped from an elder care facility, angrily ranting about wanting to "deprogram" half of the nation's population.

"They must comply! Deplorables! All of ‘em!" the disheveled geriatric growled at the camera while CNN's Christiane Amanpour attempted to de-escalate the situation. "If they don't fall in line, we'll round them up and re-educate them! De-program them! Re-program them! If that doesn't work, then we'll just disappear them! Yes! Yeeeeeeessssssss! Ahahahahahahaha!"

The CNN interview team did their best to remain calm, despite the obvious threat posed by the tottering, decrepit woman. "She may be old and frail, but you can tell she's serious," said one member of the television crew. "We heard she escaped from a nursing home nearby, but you could tell she's terrorized people in the past. Chilling, dangerous stuff. Or maybe she's just completely insane, who knows."

 You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link:   

Elderly Woman Escapes Nursing Home, Rants About Deprogramming The Populace | Babylon Bee

A Littler Humor: What Men Talk About At The Cigar Lounge, REVEALED

I’m a regular cigar smoker and I’ve spent a good many hours in cigar lounges with my fellow cigar smokers. 

The very clever and laugh-out-loud Babylon Bee offers their amusing and satirical look at the secrets of the cigar lounge. 

The secrets of the cigar lounge have been kept tightly under wraps for centuries, with women left to only speculate about the pearls of wisdom, mind-opening philosophies, and inimitable truths of life that are birthed in such an intimate, masculine setting.

Now, all will be REVEALED as The Babylon Bee reveals the truth about what men talk about in smoke-filled cigar lounges:

• Cigars: This one seems pretty self-explanatory, actually.
• Tom Selleck's mustache: Many a cigar has been smoked while pondering its wonder.
• How many bears you could fight simultaneously for one minute without dying: An age-old question of manhood.
• Leaving our lousy desk jobs to become burly sailors who go on monthslong voyages to the Orient for priceless treasure: A man can dream!
• The throw pillow sale next weekend at Kohl's: It's a dynamite sale.
• How many Roman legions you could singlehandedly defeat if you could go back in time with a machine gun and unlimited ammo: The question that has captured so many great thinkers.

 You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link:

What Men Talk About At The Cigar Lounge, REVEALED | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

The very clever and laugh out loud funny Babylon Bee offers their satirical take on the Biden family corruption investigation. 

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As evidence of bribery and corruption by the Biden family continues to mount, Democrat lawmakers in the nation's capital have expressed heavy skepticism, saying they will need a lot more than just eyewitnesses, financial records, audio and video recordings, and admissions of guilt from parties involved for them to believe any of it.

"Nah, I'm not buying it," said California Congressman Eric Swalwell. "If you're wanting me to believe President Biden and his family have been involved in a far-reaching money-for-favors scheme for years, you'll need to show me a lot more than rock-solid, irrefutable evidence. If the Biden family was corrupt, I think I would have heard about it from my Chinese spy girlfriend."

 You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link:

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: Being Against Crime Added To List Of Things That Are Racist

 The very clever and outrageously funny satirical Babylon Bee offers their take on the condemnation of Jason Aldean’s song, Try That In A Small Town. 

U.S. — Country star Jason Aldean released a controversial single this month called "Try That In A Small Town" in which he laid out his belief that crime is bad. He has since been forcefully condemned by the music industry since being against crime is now considered a racist dog whistle.

"I was shocked and saddened by the blatant racism in Aldean's song that condemned violent crime," said CMT President Brian Philips. "Crime is a beloved and noble tradition of BIPOC communities, and to condemn it is to condemn our own black brothers and sisters. I am sorry we ever allowed it to be aired."

 You can read the rest of the humorous piece via the below link: 

Being Against Crime Added To List Of Things That Are Racist | Babylon Bee

You can watch a video of the song via the below link: 

Jason Aldean - Try That In A Small Town (Official Music Video) - YouTube

A Little Humor: Study Finds 100% Of Men Watch Entirety Of 'Tombstone' If They See It Playing On TV

 I’m a huge fan of western films in general and the film Tombstone in particular. 

I place Tombstone right up there with The Searchers, The Magnificent Seven, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and other great western films. 

I’ve watched the near historically accurate film several times over the years, and if I see it on TV while surfing the channels, I’ll often watch it again. 

Which is why I got a kick out of the Babylon Bee’s satirical take on the classic western:

LOS ANGELES, CA — A new study confirmed what has long been theorized, as results show a full 100% of human males watch the film Tombstone in its entirety when they find it playing on television.

"This proves what we've suspected for years," said Professor Martin Van Nostrand, who led the study commissioned by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. "Unlike any other film, Tombstone has a stranglehold on the psyches of men. Any time a man is absent-mindedly skimming through the channels, if he runs across Tombstone, he absolutely must watch it until the end. Fascinating!"

Professor Nostrand then spent the next 3 hours quoting his favorite lines with all his friends.

The study additionally discovered that, at any given moment during the day, there is an 80% chance a man is thinking of a line from Tombstone. "We found that nearly every time a man's wife asks him ‘What are you thinking about?' the answer is most likely Doc Holliday saying ‘I'm your Huckleberry," Van Nostrand explained. "In the off-chance that isn't what he's thinking, then it would have to be Wyatt Earp saying ‘You called down the thunder. Well, now you've got it!'"

 You can read the rest of the piece and other humor pieces via the below link:

Study Finds 100% Of Men Watch Entirety Of 'Tombstone' If They See It Playing On TV | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: Due To High Crime, Mafia Closes Its Chicago Office

The Babylon Bee, a very clever satire publication, offers a funny piece on the rising crime and mayhem in Chicago.

CHICAGO, IL — Today marked the end of an era, as the Mafia announced it was officially closing its Chicago branch due to the rising wave of violent crime in the city.

"We just can't operate under these conditions," said street boss Albert "Albie the Falcon" Vena, speaking on behalf of Salvatore "Solly D" DeLaurentis, who has run the Chicago organization since 2021. "How are we supposed to conduct respectable business — loan sharking, bribery, racketeering, illegal gambling — with so much crime going on? It's insane!" 

You can read the rest of the piece via the below link:

Due To High Crime, Mafia Closes Its Chicago Office | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor From The Babylon Bee:

 The Babylon Bee offers a satiric piece on the progressive Chicago mayor-elect and the Walmart closings in the troubled and violent city. 

CHICAGO, IL — After Walmart announced plans to close 4 store locations in dangerous Chicago neighborhoods, Chicago Mayor-Elect Brandon Johnson issued a dire warning that this will leave many Chicagoans with fewer places to shoplift.

"Citizens of this great city have the fundamental right to steal merchandise in their own communities without resorting to traveling to other neighborhoods," said Johnson at a local protest against the store closings. "If our youths don't have a safe place to work, shop, shoplift, loot, fight, do drugs, terrorize citizens, and smash windows, they may participate in riskier shoplifting, looting, and drug-consuming in affluent communities where cops will actually bother to arrest them until my Soros-funded DA lets them back out on the street. We can't let this happen!"

 You can read the rest of the piece via the below link:

Chicago Mayor Warns That If Local Walmart Locations Close People Will Have Fewer Places To Shoplift | Babylon Bee 

Babylon Bee: Biden Announces U.S. Surrender To Chinese Balloon

The Babylon Bee offers a satirical piece on President Biden’s response to the Chinese spy balloon crossing the U.S.

WORLD — In a surprise statement to the world from the White House Situation Room, President Biden has announced America's unconditional surrender to the Chinese Spy Balloon.

"Listen, folks, it's over," said Biden as a single tear ran down his face. "We're outgunned here. There's no hope that we can match the awesome power of this giant balloon."

Biden's voice was drowned out by the dozens of weeping journalists gathered outside the room.

"I urge you all to hug your loved ones and embrace your children, for the end is near. God help us all," Biden finally said before signing off for the last time.

At publishing time, Americans had been urged by the administration to start learning Mandarin.

You can read other Babylon Bee humorous piece via the below link:

Babylon Bee | Fake News You Can Trust

A Little Humor: Babylon Bee: Controversy As SNL Invites Real Live Comedian To Perform

The Babylon Bee offers another clever satirical piece on Saturday Night Live inviting comedian Dave Chapelle to host the once funny program.

NEW YORK, NY — Saturday Night Live, a show dedicated solely to solemn social critiques and pedantic lectures, has made waves after inviting a real live comedian to perform.

With actual comedian Dave Chapelle slated to host SNL this weekend, the show's writers and cast members were reportedly working tirelessly to prepare for the exposure to comedy.

"It's a big change for us, trying this 'comedy' thing," said castmember Kate McKinnon while using air quotes. McKinnon is best known for her recurring role as Hillary Clinton being somber, sad, and full of gloom. "I've been working on a few 'jokes' myself. Here's my best one..."

McKinnon then proceeded to rant for seven minutes on how Donald Trump was a bad man. 

You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link: 

Controversy As SNL Invites Real Live Comedian To Perform | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: Husband Cleverly Rebrands Cigars As Smokeable Essential Oils

The Babylon Bee offers a clever satirical piece that cigar smokers, like me, will enjoy:

COLUMBIA, SC — Local man Alex McIlvaine stumbled upon the brilliant idea today of adding a little sign to his cigar humidor that reads "Smokeable essential oils."

"See babe! It's just like the diffuser you have, but a little more direct," explained Mr. McIlvaine to his wife. "Oo, a Padron! This one is good for arthritis, I think. Probably fixes Celiac disease too!"

An outraged Mrs. McIlvaine pushed back on his audacious claim of a cigar fixing arthritis, but Mr. McIlvaine simply asked to see what evidence she had that lavender cured diabetes. "Hey, fair is fair," said Mr. McIlvaine. "I'll continue agreeing that this vague scent of lemon can cure smallpox, so long as we can agree this lovely Rocky Patel cigar here will lower my cholesterol."

Mr. McIlvaine reportedly conceived the idea after seeing his wife order an essential oils set, which came in a box shockingly similar to a humidor. "That was when I realized, essential oils are just cigars for women," said Mr. McIlvaine. "Women feel a need to unwind, so they light up, breathe the fumes, and make the whole house smell. It's the exact same experience. The only difference is the delightful smell of tobacco versus some weird herb."

At publishing time, Mr. McIlvaine reportedly had lit up a Monte Cristo in order to fix his male-pattern baldness. 

You can read more satirical and humor pieces via the below link:

Babylon Bee | Fake News You Can Trust 

A Little Humor: After Using FBI To Suppress Son’s Crimes And Raid Political Rival’s Home, Biden Warns Democracy In Danger

The Babylon Bee offers a satiric look at President Biden's speech.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Having politically weaponized federal law enforcement for his own political gain, President Biden has now taken to the airwaves to warn that democracy is in real danger.

"Folks, I'm using the feds as best I can to destroy my political opponents, but let me be clear: I'm going to have to break more laws and seize even more power if I'm going to stop fascism," yelled President Biden, lighted in blood-red and surrounded by soldiers. "I don't care if that means a federal takeover of elections, an overthrow of the judiciary - heck I don't care if I have to use F-15s to carpet bomb every single Republican neighborhood in the country. We will forcibly commandeer every lever of power and communication our nation has - to, you know, defeat fascism."

You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link:

After Using FBI To Suppress Son’s Crimes And Raid Political Rival’s Home, Biden Warns Democracy In Danger | Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: 'The FBI Raid On Melania's Closet Was Justified,' Says Merrick Garland Wearing Gorgeous New Evening Gown And Sun Hat

The Babylon Bee offers a clever and funny satirical piece on the Trump raid.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With many Americans up in arms over the unprecedented raid of former President Trump's residence in Mar-a-Lago by the FBI, Attorney General Garland released a statement to assure everyone the raid was completely justified. Eyewitnesses noted he looked unusually fetching in an elegant Dolce & Gabbana evening gown and a Dior sun hat.

"We wouldn't raid Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate or Melania's wardrobe unless it was absolutely, 100% necessary," said Garland. "I resent any accusation that this raid was influenced by partisan politics or my insatiable desire to wear pretty designer dresses." The Attorney General then did a little spin in his purple gown as the press gasped with delight.

FBI Director Christopher Wray echoed the statement as he strode up to the Hoover Building in a dazzling pair of diamond-encrusted Alexander McQueen stilettos. "The men and women of the FBI are paragons of unassailable integrity and impartiality, and any suggestion otherwise is murderous treason," he said. Several news outlets present also noted the delicious smell of Chanel No.5 in the air.

At publishing time, Trump took to Truth Social to announce that all his golf clubs were also missing.

You can read more Babylon Bee humor pieces via the below link:

Babylon Bee | Latest News 

A Little Humor: FBI Adds Itself To FBI Watch List

The Babylon Bee offers a clever and funny piece on the FBI.:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented move to protect the safety and security of millions of Americans, the FBI has added itself to the FBI watchlist.

"When we reflected on the vast number of pedophiles, insurrectionists, frauds, and killers in our organization, we thought: 'Holy cow! Someone needs to keep an eye on these weirdos!'" said FBI Director Christopher Wray to reporters. "That's why today we have decided to place the FBI on the FBI watchlist so the FBI can keep a close eye on the FBI before the FBI does something terrible."

Congress is demanding oversight of the FBI's monitoring of the FBI, as the FBI has been known in the past to let the FBI get away with horrific crimes. The FBI in turn is monitoring the Congressional oversight committee in charge of overseeing the FBI's oversight of the FBI. "Americans shouldn't worry, we have this all under control," said Wray.

Critics of the move expressed concern this may hamper the FBI's ability to organize governor kidnapping schemes, insurrections, and mass shootings.

"Without the FBI at our disposal, we may have to turn to traditional partners such as the mafia to fight our political enemies," said one anonymous Washington bureaucrat. "What's the world coming to?"

At publishing time, the FBI announced they now have the FBI in custody. Unfortunately, they released the FBI from custody a few minutes later. 

You can read other satire piece via the below link:

Babylon Bee | Latest News

Babylon Bee: ‘Guns Should Not Be In The Hands Of The Mentally Unstable,’ Says Senile Man With Nukes

 The Babylon Bee offers a satirical piece on Biden and gun control (code name "gun safety," as gun control sounds too harsh).

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A senile old man in Washington who has a deadly nuclear arsenal at his fingertips is calling for dangerous weapons to be taken out of the hands of the mentally unstable.

"Listen, folks, this shouldn't be difficult," said the yammering old geriatric to a duck in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. "The mentally unstable shouldn't have guns! It's dangerous! Think of what could happen, Jack! They could fire it blindly through their front door because they heard a noise, or leave it right out in the open where a Taliban terrorist could pick it up, or accidentally kill innocent people they thought were bad guys but turned out to be foreign aid workers!" The man then dove face-first into the pool because he thought he saw an ice cream cone there. 

You can read the rest of the humor piece via the below link:

‘Guns Should Not Be In The Hands Of The Mentally Unstable,’ Says Senile Man With Nukes | The Babylon Bee 

A Little Humor: Babylon Bee Looks At How 14 Different News Outlets Covered The Will Smith Slap At The Oscars

Note: Would Will Smith have tried to smack a physically bigger comedian, like Andrew Dice Clay? 

A Little Humor: In Response To Russia's Invasion Of Ukraine, Biden Announces He Will Move To Unfollow Putin On Twitter

The Babylon Bee offers a satirical piece on President Biden's response to Russia's invasion of Ukraine.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Putin led Russia in an unprovoked attack on Ukraine, Biden addressed the world and outlined the steps he'd take to stop Russia from rampaging through Eastern Europe. 

"Listen, folks, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this, today I directed my social media manager to unfollow Putin on Twitter," said Biden. "That Putin guy is a major internet influencer and we need to hit him where it hurts. We have no other choice. God have mercy on us."

Biden then directed his staff to "unfollow" President Putin on Twitter, warning that if Putin doesn't stop what he's doing, he will also "unfriend" him on Facebook. 

"You want to have no friends, Vlad? 'Cause that's where you're headed, buddy! That's no fun! Trust me, I know! You'd better watch your step, bud!" Biden said angrily before tripping on the carpet of his house and faceplanting into his bronze bust of Neville Chamberlain. 

Biden has promised to engage in further talks with world leaders once aides finish changing his Depends. 

You can read other Babylon Bee humor pieces via the below link:

The Babylon Bee | Fake News You Can Trust 

Mark Twain's Satirical Crime Story, 'The Stolen White Elephant'

In my earlier post, I noted that today was Mark Twain's birthday: 

Paul Davis On Crime: Happy Birthday To The Late, Great American Humorist And Novelist Mark Twain

So in honor of the great humorist, below is a link to Mark Twain's satirical crime story, The Stolen White Elephant:

The Stolen White Elephant - Story by Mark Twain (mtwain.com)