The Babylon Bee takes a satiric shot at biased reporters who claimed past violent protests were “mostly peaceful.” (Especially the idiot TV reporter who made that claim as buildings burned visibly behind him in his much mocked video report).
MINNEAPOLIS,
MN—As the Derek Chauvin trial continued this week, the nation began bracing for
the most peaceful protests so far.
"We're
getting ready for some really peaceful protests," said one business owner
as he boarded up his storefront. "We ain't seen nothin' yet when it comes
to just how peaceful Black Lives Matter can be."
While
last summer, BLM unleashed their mostly peaceful brand of protests, they said
at the end of this trial, they will be unleashing their most powerful
weapon: entirely peaceful protests, involving even more
peaceful bricks, Molotovs, and more peaceful deaths.
Black
Lives Matter representatives announced that that they will definitely be
rioting if Derek Chauvin is acquitted. They also said they would riot if he is
convicted. Additionally, they said they would just be rioting no matter what so
everyone should get ready.
"We
will riot if Chauvin is acquitted," said one spokesperson for the movement
gathered outside the courthouse in Minneapolis. "And also, you know, if
he's convicted. Yep, we'll still be rioting then. In fact, we'll be rioting no
matter what happens, so buckle up, America. You thought last summer was bad?
Get ready for peace."
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The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire.
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